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COMING OUT STORY: CONVERSION THERAPY


A: Bernardo!
B: O quê? A: Você consegue me escutar?
B: Não! A: Então, por que você disse “o quê”?
B: O quê? A: Coloque seu fone de ouvido!
B: Eu já coloquei! Então, como você pode me ouvir? Então…
B: Você está gritando! Esta é a história de como eu assumi minha sexualidade. Eu fico um pouco nervoso, porque eu não tenho certeza até onde esse vídeo pode ir. Eu não gosto de ter a atenção das pessoas voltada para mim quando estou nervoso, então eu pedi para o Bernardo ir para o quarto, colocar o fone de ouvido e ouvir música. Então…estou muito nervoso com esse vídeo porque esta história é muito pessoal, e eu realmente não refleti muito sobre ela porque é algo muito doloroso para mim. Eu pensei que todas as feridas haviam se curado, mas quando eu estava pensando em algumas coisas para dizer neste vídeo eu senti que essas feridas ainda estão abertas. Peço por favor que tenham paciência comigo, porque tentarei dizer tudo da forma mais correta possível, e deixarei transparecer todas as minhas emoções neste vídeo. A primeira coisa a dizer é que eu me assumi gay duas vezes para os meus pais. Na primeira vez… Apenas para que vocês tenham uma noção melhor sobre minha família e sobre mim…eu cresci em uma família bem cristã, uma família batista, nós íamos para a igreja uns quatro dias por semana, e minha mãe estava envolvida com as atividades da igreja. Meu tio foi pastor de uma grande igreja em Leesburg, e isso dificultou ainda mais para que eu pudesse me assumir, porque quando você cresce na igreja você aprende que ser gay é um pecado e que não é algo aceitável. Voltando um pouco no tempo, na época do ensino médio, eu tinha uma namorada na sexta série. Eu tinha uma namorada, acho que por um ano e meio, mas a única coisa que fizemos foi beijar e nada mais. Eu não tinha nenhum desejo de fazer mais nada, mas nós íamos ao cinema, andávamos de mãos dadas, beijávamos, mas eu não queria tocar nos seios dela e nem fazer mais nada. Nós simplesmente nos beijámos, e, então, ela terminou comigo, claro. Isso foi na 7ª série. Eu tive bastante dificuldade de lidar com isso. Depois, na 8ª série, eu comecei a perceber… …bem, primeiro, muitos dos caras, os caras machões, os caras heterossexuais, eles faziam algumas piadinhas comigo. Uma coisa que me lembro é que eu comprei esses sapatos da Skechers. Eu gostava de economizar dinheiro, e quando estávamos no ensino médio, meus pais nos deram um orçamento, não me lembro quanto, para compras escolares. Então eu economizei dinheiro para comprar esses sapatos. Eles eram baratos, e eles eram pretos, eu me lembro claramente deles. Um determinado grupo de rapazes zombaram dos meus sapatos, bastante! Eles disseram que eram sapatos para meninas, e outras coisas.Eu não fazia parte do grupo dos caras populares. No ensino médio eu simplesmente seguia o fluxo, porque eu não sabia de verdade quem eu era, nem onde eu me encaixava. E então, no verão da 8ª série (cerca de 14 anos de idade), eu comecei a notar que eu estava tendo uma certa atração por homens. Homens que eu via nos filmes ou na TV. Naquela época eu participava de um grupo de jovens da nossa igreja. Nós passamos uma semana na Carolina do Sul, e essas viagens em grupo eram bem recorrentes, porque minhas duas irmãs, e eu, estávamos envolvidos no grupo juvenil. Mas essa viagem especificamente acabou sendo bem diferente. Eu senti uma conexão com a conselheira do nosso grupo, que não fazia parte da nossa igreja. Eu senti uma conexão com ela, e, numa noite, ela estava sentada à mesa, bem na minha frente, e eu mostrei… …na verdade, primeiramente, eu disse que precisava contar uma coisa. Ela me perguntou o que era, e eu não consegui dizer. Eu estava com medo de dizer porque não sabia qual seria a reação dela. Naquela época, na minha cabeça, ser gay era uma coisa ruim. Eu tinha ouvido, quando eu era criança, sobre o… eu não me lembro muito bem. Meus pais estavam no carro, e alguém acabou assumindo ser gay. Ele era casado e eles não gostaram disso e não aceitaram. Eu já sabia qual era a opinião dos meus pais sobre essa questão. Nós nos sentamos à mesa, a conselheira e e eu, e eu escrevi uma mensagem num guardanapo. Eu escrevi isso, porque eu não conseguia dizer, eu estava muito assustado… Eu escrevi: “Acho que sou gay”, junto com uma carinha triste. Então, eu nem tive a coragem de dizer a ela que eu era gay, eu não conseguia nem usar a palavra. Depois disso, ela me disse que eu deveria ir ao meu conselheiro da juventude (pertecente à igreja), e dizer a ele. O conselheiro da juventude disse que eu deveria falar com meus pais. Liguei para meus pais, eu estava chorando bastante. A igreja, os meus pais e eu chegamos à conclusão de que eu deveria fazer terapia. Essa terapia era de “desomossexualização”, ou terapia de reorientação sexual. E, então, eu fui a esta terapia até o final do ensino médio… não me lembro exatamente até quando, e eu comparecia uma vez por semana, e eu tinha que registrar num relatório: segunda, terça, todos os sete dias da semana, a intensidade da minha atração por homens. Eu tinha que colocar uma estrela no dia em que eu havia me masturbado, pensando em algum cara. Nós tínhamos que conversar sobre esses gráficos, e o motivo pelo qual, por exemplo, num determinado dia, minha atração por um cara havia atingido o nível oito. E nós tivemos que falar sobre os motivos disso acontecer. O objetivo dessa terapia era colocar fim nos meus altos níveis de atração por outros homens. Então, eu cheguei à conclusão…na verdade, nós chegamos à conclusão, de que a TV era um dos motivos. Eu não podia assistir TV, Naquela época, os celulares não tinham tanta importância, então eu não tinha um celular. O computador: eu não podia usá-lo. Eu deveria me afastar de qualquer coisa que pudesse me levar a pensar em outros caras. Eu não podia sair com amigos, porque eu poderia me deparar com homens atraentes. Então, isso me distanciou de praticamente tudo, e esse período da minha vida foi muito doloroso. Não no início da terapia, mas acho que no decorrer de um ano… eu não podia fazer nada. Meus pensamentos…quero dizer, imagine quando você está com 12, 13 14 anos de idade… quando alguém diz que você tem que tirar esses pensamentos da sua cabeça e substituí-los. Nós tínhamos que substituí-los por pensamentos voltados para mulheres. Lembro-me de ter uma foto da Jessica Simpson, pregada na minha parede, para que eu pudesse pensar nela, e desenvolver atração por ela. Na época eu pensei que poderia funcionar. Você tinha que analisar tudo, o porquê de estar tendo atração em relação a algum cara. Certa vez, eu tive que pedir ao meu professor, no colegial, para mudar de assento, para sentar no fundo, porque eu estava sentado na frente de um cara atraente. Então, eu tive que trocar de assento, de forma que eu não pudesse mais ver esse cara. Eu tive que mudar praticamente tudo que eu fazia, para que eu não sentisse mais atração por homens. Este período na minha vida foi muito ruim e depois… Bem, meus pais tinham todas as senhas dos nossos computadores, porque isso fazia parte do nosso acordo, e… na época, pensei que a terapia havia funcionado, e que eu era hétero. Então comecei a fazer o high school, e, na época, havia esse cara bem atraente, e começamos a trocar mensagens. Minha mãe acabou encontrando um e-mail por meio do qual estávamos mantendo algumas conversas. Trocávamos elogios, chamávamos um ao outro de “bonito”, coisas do tipo. Eu me lembro dessa ligação, minha mãe disse: “Adam, venha para casa agora!” Ela me chamou, e perguntou o que havia naquele e-mail. Com isso, eu disse: “Mãe, eu ainda tenho esses sentimentos. Eu não consigo me livrar deles. Eu não assisto TV, eu não uso muito o computador. Não posso fazer nada…não sei como substituir esses sentimentos”. Então… esta terapia não funcionou. A terapia um-a-um não funcionou, então, fomos até Orlando. Eu morava a cerca de uma hora de Orlando, e este grupo era chamado… Exodus. Exodus International, e sua missão – eu vou ler qual era a missão deles. Eles declaravam que a missão era: “Mobilizar o corpo de Cristo para ministrar graça e verdade a um mundo afetado pela homossexualidade”. Então, nós (minha mãe, meu pai e eu), fomos até esse grupo. Na verdade, nos encontramos com o líder desse grupo, e meus pais tinham que autorizar a minha participação. Eu também tinha que concordar em participar. O presidente do grupo se encontrou comigo e perguntou: “Você quer mudar?”, e eu disse “sim”. Para fazer a terapia de reversão era necessário que houvesse um acordo comigo e com meus pais. Não era uma decisão apenas dos pais. Então… eu comecei a frequentar esse grupo, uma vez por semana também, e esta terapia foi uma espécie de tentativa de mudar quem você era. Nós não pudíamos conversar gesticulando. Tínhamos que nos sentar com nossas mãos sob nosso colo, para que não pudéssemos conversar movendo-as. E… desta vez, tivemos que rezar muito. Fizemos muitas adorações, muitos depoimentos. O líder do grupo era gay, e afirmava ter se tornodo heterossexual… e no final de cada encontro, os homens não podiam sair. Tínhamos que ser acompanhados, um a um, até os nossos carros, porque pensavam que nós trocaríamos números uns com os outros. Quando eu penso sobre isso…meu Deus… é tudo degradante e vergonhoso. Eu não sei…naquele momento eu não via problema nisso, porque todos nós queríamos mudar. Depois, um dos conselheiros… eu não sei…cerca de seis meses se passaram, e eu acho que um dos conselheiros começou a dar em cima de mim, porque ele tinha meu “Myspace” (Myspace tinha importância naquela época), e ele estava dizendo comentários indiretos, mas eu pensei que eles eram…eu não sei, ele dizia: “Hoje você está muito masculino…você está fazendo as coisas de maneira bem correta”, e eu não sabia como lidar com esses comentários. E, então, ele sorria para mim, e isso confundia muito a minha cabeça. Não consigo explicar o que… o que acontece com a mente quando você pensa: “nossa, como ele é bonito”… mas então você pensa: “Oh, não! Não posso pensar isso! Eu tenho que pensar de outra forma”. Tudo o que você faz, todas as decisões que você faz, você tem que refletir: “Isso é certo? Ah não…ah não! Deve ser dessa forma!” Então, você não sabe quem você realmente é, porque não pode falar com suas mãos, você não pode fazer nada que costumava fazer. Seus pensamentos, eles não podem ser assim, eles têm que ser desse jeito. Chegou um momento que eu me perguntava: “Meu Deus, quem sou eu?” E eu pensei muito nisso, e não sabia quem eu era, e tudo isso aconteceu no colegial. O colegial é uma época difícil para nós. Eu não sei como funciona no Brasil, mas nos Estados Unidos, o colegial é um período muito difícil. Foi um período muito difícil para mim, porque as pessoas começam a zombar de você. As pessoas começam a achar que você é feminino, então você não é masculino, e várias outras coisas. Eu dizia para mim mesmo: “Não posso ser assim, eu tenho que pensar assim”… Tudo que eu queria era deixar meus pais orgulhosos, e, sendo gay, não pensei que fosse isso que eles queriam que eu fosse. Então eu estava tentando ser hétero, tentando ser tudo o que eles queriam que eu fosse, e tudo o que eu queria que eu fosse, mas era tão difícil. Depois do grupo Exodus, eu fiz uma audição. Na realidade, durante esse processo, eu acabei me envolvendo com teatro. Era algo que eu realmente queria fazer. Eu sei que não era a coisa mais “heterossexual” para me envolver, mas era algo que eu realmente queria fazer. Meu melhor amigo nos dias de hoje… nós nos conhecemos em uma peça de teatro, e estávamos falando sobre o amor e eu disse: “o amor é horrível. Odeio o amor, não faz sentido nenhum”. Então nos conhecemos, e eu tive que me assumir para ele. Eu fui até a casa dele, eu virei minha cadeira, porque eu não podia olhar para ele, e eu disse: “Sou gay”. Eu estava chorando, claro, e então… Ele, é claro, ele me amava por quem eu era. E esta foi a primeira vez que alguém me amou por quem eu era, e eu não precisei mudar nada em mim. Esse episódio fez com que ele compartilhasse algumas histórias. Ele me encorajou a fazer o que eu queria fazer na minha vida. Então, eu fiz uma audição para uma escola de teatro em Nova York, fui aceito e… quando eu disse aos meus pais, eles me proibiram de ir. Meus pais disseram que as saunas gays começaram em NY, e eles pensaram que eu me tornaria gay novamente, ou iria para um caminho errado, e então meu melhor amigo convenceu meus pais a me deixarem ir para NY. Em Nova York eu tive uma professora de teatro musical incrível, e ela me deu uma música… porque ela escolhia uma música com base na aparência, no modo como você canta, na sua energia… e ela me deu uma música chamada “Orgulhoso do seu filho”, da peça Aladdin. No curso de teatro musical você precisa dissecar toda a letra e na música “Orgulhoso do seu filho”, Aladdin dizia a seus pais o quanto ele queria deixá-los orgulhosos. E essa música me deu a confiança que eu precisava para assumir minha sexualidade para meus pais mais uma vez. Eu não queria que meus pais se sentissem decepcionados comigo apenas pelo fato de eu ser gay. Eu queria que eles se orgulhassem de quem eu era. Não queria que eles se baseassem unicamente na minha orientação sexual. Então, em Nova York, eu comecei a sair com outros caras, mas eu não me permitia andar de mãos dadas com outro homem. Quando partíamos para o beijo, minha mente dizia que eu não poderia fazer aquilo. Eu estava tão confuso, e meu professor de atuação disse: “Para interpretar um personagem, você precisa saber quem você é, mas você não sabe quem você é”. Eu tive que pensar muito: “Oh meu Deus, quem sou eu? Quem sou eu? E eu tinha 22 anos. Não sabia quem eu era. Eu… disse para o meu amigo que eu precisava me assumir para os meus pais mais uma vez. Meus pais foram até NY para assistir minha peça final do curso de teatro. Quando eu ia contar para eles, eu não conseguia, porque eu estava com muito medo. Eu estava com várias manchas vermelhas no meu rosto, que sempre aparecem quando estou muito nervoso. Então, eu eu não pude, porque estava com medo. Na manhã seguinte, meu amigo insistiu para que eu contasse para eles. Nós fomos até uma lanchonete, minha mãe e meu pai estavam na minha frente, e meu amigo estava do meu lado, agarrou minha mão, e disse: “agora”. E então eu disse: “mãe, pai… eu sou gay novamente, e, desta vez, não quero mudar. Estou muito feliz comigo, eu… durante todo esse processo eu descobri quem eu sou, e confesso que eu falhei, eu não consegui ser o cara que vocês queriam que eu fosse, mas estou feliz comigo mesmo e estou orgulhoso de quem eu sou.” Minha mãe não chorou, mas meu pai estava chorando, e acho que eles só queriam me ver feliz, e eles estavam bem com isso. Eles percorreram um longo caminho. Quero dizer, quando eu era criança, eles condenavam a homossexualidade, mas eles abriram suas mentes, e eles só queriam ver seu filho feliz. Agora sou muito grato. Eles conheceram o Bernardo, ele passou o Natal com a gente, fizeram uma surpresa de boas vindas para ele, foi super “bonitinho”. Para meus pais, atualmente, “gay” é apenas um rótulo. Às vezes as pessoas não saem do armário por acreditarem que seus pais não aceitarão. É preciso compreender que a estrutura de pensamento deles é diferente da nossa. É preciso tempo para que eles sejam capazes de aceitar. Atualmente sou muito grato por meus pais aceitarem quem eu sou, e por terem orgulho de mim. Não importa minha orientação sexual. Eles tem orgulho de quem eu sou, gesticulando ou não enquanto falo. Então, essa é a história de como eu assumi minha sexualidade. Eu sei que foi muito longa, mas isso se deve ao fato dela ser complexa. E o grupo “Exodus”, do qual eu participei em Orlando…. eles publicaram um pedido de desculpas. Eles pediram desculpas para as pessoas que fizeram parte do grupo. Em 2013, eles perceberam o erro que estavam cometendo. O grupo encerrou suas atividades. De acordo com eles, a terapia de reorientação que eles praticavam arruinou as mentes de crianças. Então, essa é minha história. Obrigado por assistir. O que posso dizer é, saia, crie memórias, e… seja feliz. Muito obrigado! You

100 Comments

  1. Glynn Dove
    Glynn Dove August 5, 2019

    Thank you so much ❤️❤️♥️❤️♥️❤️♥️❤️♥️❤️♥️❤️♥️❤️♥️❤️♥️❤️♥️❤️♥️❤️♥️❤️♥️❤️♥️❤️♥️❤️♥️❤️♥️❤️♥️❤️♥️❤️♥️❤️♥️❤️♥️ you have shared your soul and your life ❤️♥️❤️♥️❤️♥️❤️♥️❤️♥️❤️♥️❤️♥️❤️♥️❤️♥️❤️♥️❤️♥️❤️♥️❤️❤️ ♥️ I hope you meet a very special man to love you ❤️♥️❤️♥️❤️♥️❤️😘♥️❤️♥️❤️♥️❤️ especially to love with you

  2. Bob GUENTHER
    Bob GUENTHER August 5, 2019

    I just subscribed and saw your video at your parents house in Leesburg. I’ve watched a lot of both of your videos but the one in Leesburg just got me. This was yesterday. Watching this video and not having anything to go through with what you did I’m so proud of you. As a gay 69 y/o married man this video gives me hope that this will get to the younger generations. Just love you both and thank you for sharing this!

  3. Sabine Schmidt
    Sabine Schmidt August 6, 2019

    I think that this is the most important video i have ever seen on this channel which will help a lot of people. Being that honest and hurt but strong enough to talk about it, wow congratulations. If i could give you a medal i would. Be proud of yourself!!!

  4. Garrett1111
    Garrett1111 August 6, 2019

    I hate the word gay. It’s a stupid label that has too many negative connotations. Young kids use it to mean stupid or lame. Straight also seems pretty rigid. And Kinsey’s life work proves that most people are at different points along a continuum. There are 7 digits on the Kinsey scale, not only 2. Black-and-white thinking is never really accurate on any level anyway.

  5. George David
    George David August 6, 2019

    What a torturous childhood. I had a very similar experience. I’m sorry that you went through such an emotional hell.

  6. Blanca W
    Blanca W August 6, 2019

    Just having to give up TV at the age of 13 would have been impossible enough, let alone trying to change your sexual orientation! Were you beyond humiliated when you had to ask the teacher in high school if you could switch seats because there was a hot guy in front of you? I would have died!

  7. Qa h
    Qa h August 7, 2019

    that was an amazing story it's good to make your parents happy but it's hard in this situation to change so im proud of anyone in this world im proud of you and i hate those people in high school i lived some bad memories last year happy for you and for you are yourself now YOU ARE A GOOD Guy I love the happy ending ♡☆☆☆♡♡

  8. Chris Topher
    Chris Topher August 7, 2019

    I'm not crying, YOU'RE CRYING! :'-( I was so relieved when you said they accepted you. Its still very shitty what they forced you through. by the way, dang boi you cute! 😉

  9. JAMES DUKES
    JAMES DUKES August 7, 2019

    Hey Adam I been putting off watching this video for a while. I love watching all your other videos they make me smile and want that kind of love in my own life. So this morning I decided to get it over with and I hit "Play" as I watched you tell your story towards the end is when I got this lump in my thought and tears running down my face. Thank you for sharing your story Adam. I think you are such a sweet soul and so is Bernardo. You guys both hit the relationship lottery. I wish some day I can be so lucky to have the kind of love you guys have. Coming out is a huge thing that many ppl don't have a clue how difficult it is. I would like to tell my own story one day and you have giving me the courage to do so… just wanna say Thank you 🙂

  10. Stop Saying Amazing
    Stop Saying Amazing August 7, 2019

    Dear Adam, what a brave man you are to tell your story like this. And I’m deeply proud of your parents as well. To me it is so ridiculous that this kind of story is still happening. I really wish parents who want to call them selves ‘Religious’ would finally clue in… Being religious is not about changing other people. Having faith is about believing in yourself, your connection to the Supreme Being and allowing others to be, No Matter What! Accepting others as they are with confidence that The Almighty know best. AND, I believe that choosing to become a parent is not about forcing your will onto your offspring. That whole idea is just unbelievably narcissistic. Parenting is not about making children into what you want. But instead It’s about understanding that an offspring of yours is for expanding your experience of society. And that means being willing to accept ALL others.

    https://youtu.be/4pcMJ7_T3rY

  11. Alan Taylor
    Alan Taylor August 7, 2019

    Another great insight, keep on trucking buddy..

  12. JuanMa Montenegro A
    JuanMa Montenegro A August 7, 2019

    You made me cry 😘

  13. Nigel Dale Bisram
    Nigel Dale Bisram August 8, 2019

    You and God will discuss your sexualities and desires…! Sin is Sin… No sin is bigger than others… David was a Bisexual Man in the Bible…

  14. Paul Casper
    Paul Casper August 8, 2019

    thank you dear for sharing your story…..big hug

  15. Андрей Иванов
    Андрей Иванов August 8, 2019

    Класс,хороши,слов нет,оба красавцы отпадные)))

  16. James F
    James F August 9, 2019

    Dude, great story. About the time you revealed your father cried, my eyes teared up. I was clearly able to see what he saw. I’m not your father, but was in his shoes for a few seconds. We’re all spiritual beings taking a short journey in human bodies. Christianity is perhaps an outdated portal into our spirituality. The human tribe has no doubt moved forward intellectually in the past 2 thousand years. We’ve grown up. So in much the same way parents at some point have to stop telling their children they’d better be good or Santa Clause won’t leave presents. Or the church telling it’s followers you better be this way or that or you won’t go to heaven. It’s time to start teaching that at the core we’re all spiritual beings. And separation from God is about as possible as a fish swimming in the ocean to be separate from water. It does not matter what type of fish swims with one another. They’re still in the water. “Love thy neighbor, do unto others” Those are still powerful portals into spirituality. But with all the pain the Christian church has caused over the millennia, isn’t it time it adopt the same philosophy doctors must adopt when taking the Hippocratic oath? DO NO HARM. From the inquisition to pedophile priests, to judging those who have overwhelmingly strong biological urges for same sex; whatever the cause. Love is love, in whatever form it manifests.

  17. João Pedro Almeida
    João Pedro Almeida August 9, 2019

    Hi Adam. Your video and your history is amazing. It really points out a lot of what went on to "diferente" kids some 10 to 15 years ago, when every one had to be according to a social conception. I was very lucky, I have to admit because at the age of 18 I left my parents house, as any kid would do (LoL!), and I came out to my mother having a boyfriend and knowing exactly who I was and what were my choices. It took some time for my mother to accept me, but the only thing she ever wanted was for me to be happy. And this is the outcome of every situation. Parents always want the best for their kids and that they can be happy.

  18. DipperTheFolf
    DipperTheFolf August 10, 2019

    I’m in the same situation you were after you had came out for the first time. Luckily my parents didn’t decide to take me to therapy yet. Mostly because I lied to them and said I was ace when I’m so clearly not. It hurts so much to keep my relationships a secret and to not have the courage to just say, “Mom, Dad, I’m gay.” Your video is super meaningful to me as it’s almost telling me my future and what I have to do at some point in my life. Thank you.

  19. Notthefather
    Notthefather August 11, 2019

    I lost it when he showed the note 😭

  20. David Thom
    David Thom August 11, 2019

    The reason why you had a problem was you were looking at yourself. That is NOT where the problem was, so you would never 'solve' it. The problem is your family are factually mentally insane. Is that solvable ? Not by YOU.

  21. John Broadhurst
    John Broadhurst August 11, 2019

    Why can't parents unconditionally love their children, I came out to my parents when I was 16 (1979) when I knew there was no doubt I was gay and I loved it.

    I suppose i was very lucky my parents and apparently my grandparents and great grandparents were not at all religious, my coming out was a little bit of an anti-climax. it went like this…

    Me. I'm gay

    Mum "That's nice dear", without even looking up from her book, I repeated it thinking she was too engrossed in her book

    Me "I'M GAY". She looked and said…

    Mum. "Yes I heard the first time, are you happy?"

    Me "Yes"

    Mum "Well that is all that matters isn't it…….. do you have a boyfriend?"

    Me "Not really"

    Mum. "Ohhhhhhhh" I blushed because at that moment I knew my mum knew I d had sex.

    Me "Did you know I was gay?"

    Mum "No how on earth would I know?"

    My dad didn't say anything for a very long time until one day he was taking me to the gay pub and told me what had happened that morning.

    Two young very good looking men, Morons, came to the door, my dad explained he wasn't interested but said "I have a son who may be, he doesn't drink, smoke or womanise, I think he's just come back from the gym bodybuilding. I (dad) stood back and looked each one of them up and down and said I just don't know which one of you he'd want to turn over first" Dad continued "They looked puzzled so I said .. he doesn't womanise.. but it's a different story with the men. He ended with "I've never seen two people walk backwards so fast".

    I was dumbstruck so much so I didn't realise I'd shut the car door on my little finger until I was being dragged down the road.

    Some days later I asked why he never talked to me about being gay? He said "The same reason I haven't talked to your brothers about being straight, I just want you to be happy."

    When I found the man for me he was immediately taken in by the family and my parents loved him even though he was 15 years older than me they insisted he call them mum and dad.

    My dad always invited us around for Sunday lunch (but never my brothers) as soon as we entered dad would say "John go help your mother with the tea", then he would start telling Jim (partner) dirty jokes.

    When dad died at the funeral my brothers told me he would always ask them why they couldn't find someone like Jim female version of course.

    We moved to the otherside of the country in 1985, then in 2008 I phoned told my brothers to tell them that Jim was diagnosed with terminal lung, brain and spinal cancer and had probably weeks to live they both broke down and their wives had to take the call. Mum was packing to travel to the otherside of the country where we had moved to before I finished the call… but she was not well herself and I convinced her not to come.

    Jim actually lived for two years and was fortunate that he cancer was asymptomatic and only required painkillers in the last few months.

    We had been together for 25 wonderful years and even though he has been dead over 10 years not a day goes by that I don't fondly remember him.

    When people say "I'm sorry for your loss" I always reply "No, the loss would be if I had never found Jim, he made me the person I am today"

    I'm so pleased your parents came around in the end, by the sounds of it you all had to go on the journey of discovering who were.

  22. Douglas StPierre
    Douglas StPierre August 12, 2019

    Thank you so much for your obviously heart felt true coming out story, I think your words of wisdom will help many LGBTQ youth obtain a grasp, I do however think maybe two things, 1)I hate the word choice. 2) Please never believe Exodus Int. stopped there brainwashing as an act of conscience, it truly was an economic choice so they could reduce the amount of law suites from kids heads they had fucked up . Over all you have a wonderful story that clearly brought up a lot of painful memories, thank you for going down that painful road AGAIN for our kids, take care,
    Douglas, Florence, Or, USA

  23. Jeffrey Krato
    Jeffrey Krato August 13, 2019

    https://youtu.be/h9fbCRMX7xw

  24. Jeffrey Krato
    Jeffrey Krato August 13, 2019

    That’s my video explaining how Jesus himself came to me on being gay! Born this way!

  25. MANU- L
    MANU- L August 13, 2019

    Amore 💛

  26. Amy Vegas
    Amy Vegas August 14, 2019

    Beautiful and inspiring story, Adam. Keep being YOU.

  27. Marcus K
    Marcus K August 14, 2019

    You’re adorable.

  28. iliterati
    iliterati August 14, 2019

    This video is good, but your clothes are distracting. Could you try one nude?

  29. Crawfy M
    Crawfy M August 14, 2019

    Awww babe I wanted to hug you so many times during this video… It's horrifying that we live in a world that can teach people that who they love is wrong and that we should hate them for loving the wrong people . Doesn't sound very Christian to me. Religion picks and chooses what "rules" are convenient to push their own agenda…. Im so happy for you that you eventually found an avenue to express yourself and to be true to your own heart and who you really are. Made me cry.
    Imagine how beautiful the world would be if being hateful, was the thing we sent people to conversion therapy for because that's a behaviour that can be changed… Who we are at our core and who our heart chooses to love… These aren't things we can or should have to change… You are beautiful and I'm proud of you for putting this out there and I hope it helps even one young man struggling with these problems right now to realize they aren't alone

  30. hbsw4279
    hbsw4279 August 14, 2019

    This is such a great story…thanks for being so authentic…our world needs people just like you…honest, kind and just yourself…:)

  31. Saberhagen
    Saberhagen August 14, 2019

    No sé inglés pero le puse subtitulos al video…no pude dejar de llorar.
    ♪Calum Scott – No Matter What♪
    Escuchen esa canción y verán que se identifica con su historis…y quizás la de muchos.

  32. MrAdz1982
    MrAdz1982 August 15, 2019

    Mate, that is a beautiful message. Thanks for doing it. Ur so brave putting that out there and I hope lots of kids see it and it helps them to understand they aren't alone and there are support networks.

  33. Yoo Jastle
    Yoo Jastle August 15, 2019

    I hope you have embraced atheism due to your experience. If not, you are wasting your life.

  34. newbee509
    newbee509 August 15, 2019

    Just absolutely blown away by your story. Were some not given a choice and placed in these places against their will?
    Take care of each other.
    So happy for you and your family.

  35. Stanley Costello
    Stanley Costello August 16, 2019

    God does not make a mistake. I wish you and Bernardo (I know that he is as handsome as you) a good life together. Stay well, my friend.

  36. David W
    David W August 16, 2019

    Wow. Your story is very heart warming with how it worked out. Just WOW.

  37. Kel Collins
    Kel Collins August 16, 2019

    "The only thing I wanted to do was become an emotionally fragmented inauthentic being and make my parents proud that they could justify their own fragmentation and denial". …We're all mirrors of one another because we are connected as humans. Children incarnate to specific parents to challenge the parents' levels of consciousness. Parents attempt to "program" children while children attempt to "teach" parents.
    Unfortunately, sexual orientation labels are necessary at this time as people raise their awareness and understanding of human sexuality. Sexual orientation expands beyond black or white. There need not be any labels explaining sexual orientation in the future because humans are sexual beings with the capacity to love along a sliding scale that is same-sex on one end and opposite sex on the other filled with shades of gray in between regarding gender preferences.
    There's no formula or blueprint for human sexuality. In purity, …..we are here to love, PERIOD!

  38. Patrick Smith
    Patrick Smith August 17, 2019

    Sometimes these wounds don't heal. When I came out my Mom said that she didn't want a gay in her house so I became homeless at 18. I was still a senior in high school. Lived on the streets for a while but I had a part time job at McDonald's. A supervisor heard of my situation at let me live with her and her kids until I finished school. Still depressed about being kicked out ,I attempted suicide twice. Unable to reconcile with my family and the need to run away I joined the military and haven't spoken to my family in 10years. Today I live a lonely life still wanting to belong. Hopefully I'll be happy one day . I hope that there's a happy beginning for me and someone I can love and someone who loves me. 😭😭😭😭😭

  39. Joe Smith
    Joe Smith August 17, 2019

    I don't have any sympathy for today's youth who still grapple with their sexuality. I'm now 76, born and grew up in the Philippines, which is the only Catholic country in Asia. Early on, I was attracted to both genders, and some of them, to me, too. In my mid-30's I got married, had two kids, was widowed on early, and after my kids were grown up, married a man. When I was growing up, gays were locked up in psychiatric hospitals, subjected to electric shock. Not anymore, and with the proliferation of media, gay youth should be free from all of these nonsense.

  40. Roseane Corrêa
    Roseane Corrêa August 17, 2019

    Legenda onde sumiu

  41. TappanZee1234
    TappanZee1234 August 17, 2019

    Thank you for sharing your story. It’s difficult for me to realize that this sort of thing is still happening! Luckily when my parents could no longer avoid the realization that I was gay in 1971 (I was a junior in high school), I’m very grateful that they didn’t know of any conversion therapy centers, or they would have surely sent me. I was raised in the Church of Christ in Boise, Idaho and feel very lucky to have escaped alive. I wish you both the best in building your life together. My best to you both and your families.

  42. I rest
    I rest August 17, 2019

    You are the best

  43. Thomas Hernandez
    Thomas Hernandez August 17, 2019

    Changing the subject, you have beautiful diction. Is English your first language. You grew up in Leesburg, VA? Thanks.

  44. Howard Kornblum
    Howard Kornblum August 19, 2019

    No such thing as gay conversion as u well know. I have seen u with ur loving partner
    Ii am so happy u found happiness. Fuck gay camp

  45. Federico Arguello
    Federico Arguello August 20, 2019

    Sos un bombom😊❤

  46. Anthony
    Anthony August 20, 2019

    Ice cream makes everything all better.

  47. Pat M
    Pat M August 21, 2019

    Your parents are happy. My question is, is God happy with your soul? Is your soul clean before the Almighty God. Isn't that the same God that warned Sodom & Gomorrah of their sins?
    You have every opportunity to convert while on earth. And there's no time like the present. You won't know what tomorrow brings.
    Your video is a couple years ago. So I gather you had every opportunity to reflect for yourself & how being gay for you is natural. But have you thought of the supernatural? You have rights on this earth. But have you reflected about your rights in the next Life? Because there will be non. What you reap on earth you will sow in the next life.
    You will be in my prayers. Sorry I don't know your name. Sorry, I just couldn't listen to your story. When i clicked to watch I thought there was going to be a story of CONVERSION TO THE CHRISTIAN FAITH. Alas, it wasn't. I don't know how YouTube introduced this subject to me.
    God Bless you and your parents.

  48. MrGashden
    MrGashden August 21, 2019

    When will these self righteous idiots understand that no one can change their sexuality! We are what we are and should be proud.

  49. tihomir marušić
    tihomir marušić August 23, 2019

    Thats was so cool. I was married until my 31 y.o. but all my life i am gay..divorced at 32 came to my parents and said im gay i like to be what i am and live life what i want…i understand u totally and now im in relationship over 8 years with my man and living the best time of my life. So people go out and live your life fullfill. Thx for video Adam

  50. Edward McIver
    Edward McIver August 23, 2019

    I have been a follower And subscribe to your channel for a while and this is the this is the first story that's we just touch my heart about you good luck to you and God bless

  51. Wesley Oliveira
    Wesley Oliveira August 23, 2019

    Oi Adam, a aceitação é realmente difícil mais com muita força e sabedoria você conseguiu superar todos os obstáculos. Parabéns pela coragem de nos contar sua história, de expor sua privacidade, admiro muito vocês dois. Beijos.

  52. Vladislav M
    Vladislav M August 23, 2019

    Let me correct the name of the video: История каминг-аута. Конверсионная терапия. 😇 the translator sometimes does not translate very well.😋

  53. La Chic
    La Chic August 24, 2019

    Those parents who put their children through "gay conversion therapy" should apologize to their kids for doing these hurtful things to their kids.

  54. Kathy Borthwick
    Kathy Borthwick August 25, 2019

    You and Bernardo are the least feminine males I know! Real men🙋🏽‍♀️🦅

  55. jim cunningham
    jim cunningham August 26, 2019

    Very verklempt, so proud if you.

  56. Alex Fang
    Alex Fang August 26, 2019

    Adam, Im so proud of you

  57. Richard Lewis
    Richard Lewis August 28, 2019

    Adam I just discovered your channel tonight and have been binge watching on my layover here in Montreal. You made me cry big time because I swear we had the exact experiences! I am so glad that yours had a favorable outcome! I could not wait to leave my island home to pursue my tertiary education abroad to get away from the torment and frustration of not being able to live my life! You and Bernardo make such a beautiful couple I even cry writing this but I hope to be as happy as you guys are some day 😢❤️🙂

  58. John D-Cal
    John D-Cal August 30, 2019

    Hi, fairly new subscriber here- thanks for sharing your coming out story, Adam. I know it wasn’t easy, but it definitely is an inspiration for others going through what you went through. I wish my parents are as supportive as yours, maybe they will be someday.

  59. myboibill
    myboibill September 1, 2019

    God you poor soul. I hope you left that organized religion behind.
    I think you are a great guy. Thanks for sharing.

  60. Aya Hassan
    Aya Hassan September 1, 2019

    You just gave me so much hope in this 20:22 minutes😭❤ maybe I'll come out to my parents one day…. thank you so much

  61. Primrose Cullen
    Primrose Cullen September 1, 2019

    First it broke my heart. Then I mended and now I feel strong. Thank You for sharing a pain so great that only Love could over come it. Thank You. 💕💕💕

  62. RaemundVP
    RaemundVP September 2, 2019

    Thank you for sharing your story. I applauded your bravery for opening up about your story. I was touched and cried when I saw the pain on your face when you were telling what you went through at the conversion therapy. I am glad that your parents have been so accepting of what you are. Please do not stop spreading your happiness and love together with Bernardo. Love conquers everything.

  63. georgia kate Calixte
    georgia kate Calixte September 4, 2019

    Hi Adam, im from Philippines and im watching your videos/vlogs you guys have a good heart so their is no worry being gays, i saw you and Bernardo so sweet to each other, and you both dont hesitate to show how much you love each otner, Im a married woman but i kept following your vlogs, and i admire you for accepting who you really is, God bless you and im proud of you for coming out to the world where you feel happy.😍keep it up guys.🙏

  64. RONALD SCHNEIDER
    RONALD SCHNEIDER September 6, 2019

    hello you two love. I admire you two you exude such a heart warmth, since I am gay myself, I would like to tell you that I have you two immediately closed in my heart

  65. dddddddd62
    dddddddd62 September 7, 2019

    I hope the conversion therapy worked.

  66. Sheeza Mann
    Sheeza Mann September 14, 2019

    gay conversion therapy?……i am already gay!!!…..i knew when i was 10……or maybe earlier……and NEVER had to come out —–

  67. Lar
    Lar September 17, 2019

    My experience was quite different. I attended support groups in LA, Charlotte, NC and Phoenix, AZ, all places I use to live. Some were part of Exodus International. Even though the groups were intended to help change the person, I found them to be quite supportive and loving. For me, it was a very positive experience. They just did not know any better back then.

  68. Trey Olds
    Trey Olds September 19, 2019

    I support LGBTQ+
    May God give you health and God Bless you all !

  69. Nguyen Nguyen
    Nguyen Nguyen September 20, 2019

    This is the hardest thing for me , I don’t know how to tell my parents, I’m scared, nervous how they think about gay, I’m really tired now, I’ve been thinking about killing myself a lot of times, but now I only think that I have to work hard, have to succeed to improve to them that gay is normal like straight people. And the last thing is I love you both ❤️❤️

  70. nicolas fz
    nicolas fz September 20, 2019

    😥😥 It is a sad coming out story but happy you parents finally accepted you as you are, you and Bernardo get along so well and yes keep sharing your love out there! 😘

  71. Asmed Somarriba
    Asmed Somarriba September 23, 2019

    Great story and I am happy for you be happy be who you are you are not alone and god is with you 🤗🤗🤗🤗😍😍😍

  72. Zander Matthews
    Zander Matthews September 23, 2019

    Wow ! I know I’m a little late on this but I just came out to my parents yesterday they are also very strong in church, my uncle is a pastor and I have seen counselors at school trying to change the way I felt I’m having a hard time they are not okay with it but I am doing my best to love myself fully and hope one day they will too keep making videos you guys are an inspiration to many !

  73. JOANNA Toner
    JOANNA Toner September 23, 2019

    Adam I so very sorry you had to go through this. My daughter was so afraid of coming out she was in high school at the time. She was so scared of not being accepted by her family and friends. When she told us she was sobbing and could not look at me. She felt like she was letting us down being a bad person. But she was my daughter and I love her unconditionally. I have always encourage her to be herself never settle and be the best version of herself. I cant speak for all parents but I wish parents would never treat their children like this. We are the people who are suppose to protect them and love them NO matter what…

  74. RexRed - Flock of Angels
    RexRed - Flock of Angels September 24, 2019

    A very captivating and compelling story, you are beautiful the way you are. 😘

  75. Michael Roberts
    Michael Roberts September 24, 2019

    Hi Adam you have great mental strength to go through this, what I can only politely describe as garbage, and come out the person that you are. I hope that your parents realise the wrong that they have done to you and that they are lucky to still have the beautiful man that you are. Some people might have taken their own life or at least ended so mentally scarred. I don't think I could have been so forgiving. Just watching a few videos you both demonstrate how wonderful love between two men can be. How can that be wrong? I hope you both continue to lead long happy lives and never have to experiience the nastiness and hate that some people in this world seem to produce. Incidentally, I notice it is 2 years to the day you posted this. Much love to you both.

  76. vinny2001x
    vinny2001x September 25, 2019

    I’ve sent this video to nearly everyone in my whats app ! I’ve been watching you and your husbands videos. The love you have for each other is beautiful. Back to the coming out video this made me so mad 😡 and very happy by the end . Just so up setting that up had to go though that crazy shit to be the beautiful human being you are today. Am really happy that your parents love a support so much as you said they had to change the mind set not an easy thing to do ! Thank you for making this video really touched my heart we need more couples like you two in the world 🏳️‍🌈❤️❤️❤️❤️👍👍👍👍👍

  77. Drummond Culture
    Drummond Culture September 27, 2019

    Thanks for sharing this!

  78. sdsteele11
    sdsteele11 September 28, 2019

    Gay Conversion Therapy is the worst thing since Nazi Germany!!!! So Sorry your parents and your church made you feel like you were not complete and whole as you were and that something needed to be fixed.

  79. Stergios Konstantinidis
    Stergios Konstantinidis September 29, 2019

    Thank you so much for this video… It really means a lot. I still can't tell my parents, but I did talk to a psychologist and my 2 closest friends and I've started realising I may not be so disguisting as i thought I was… I'm in a preety good place right now and I've decided to talk to my parents soon!!

  80. Kalitoz Kaliente
    Kalitoz Kaliente September 30, 2019

    This sounds like the movie Prayers for Bobby… Highly recommended! Just be aware of how powerful the message from the movie

  81. James Smith
    James Smith September 30, 2019

    I know this was posted some time ago but I wanted to say thanks for sharing your story. I also know how tough it is to come out (the first time(s)) and how you actually then end up coming out to people your whole life. But it gets easier, and you get older and wiser. I struggled for so long, and I also grew up surrounded by a religion that said being gay was sinful and wrong. I am happy with who I am today but it was a journey, and not an easy one. Like you, I was surrounded by people who supported me, and while my parents took some time adjust and accept, they also went on a journey to educate themselves about what it means to be gay. I am so grateful and thankful that I can be me. Thank you again.

  82. Timothy Rabbitt
    Timothy Rabbitt October 1, 2019

    I love you guys

  83. Timothy Rabbitt
    Timothy Rabbitt October 1, 2019

    I came in high school

  84. Timothy Rabbitt
    Timothy Rabbitt October 1, 2019

    my heart is with you

  85. Boris Otawa
    Boris Otawa October 1, 2019

    reminds me of boy erased . his eys match bLue coLot of his t-shirt

  86. El Maurix
    El Maurix October 1, 2019

    Me fascinó tu historia saludos desde El Salvador!!! Toda la buena vibra y energía para ti

  87. Rich Heideman
    Rich Heideman October 2, 2019

    Hugs to you. Thank you for sharing your story. I hope others can be inspired to do the same.

  88. Steve R
    Steve R October 3, 2019

    Well-spoken Adam, when will these churches these realize you cant pray the gay away!

  89. Alberto Gerardo Flores
    Alberto Gerardo Flores October 3, 2019

    Adam, this story about your decision is Amazing, because you can choose, first time, for your life, your feelings, of course you have a Great Family, because they don´t care about your fears, they gave to you a support and understood everything.

  90. Jerry Euro
    Jerry Euro October 3, 2019

    Adam. I know what you were through. I had kinda similar situation. I left my country and now I live in Chicago.
    I am so happy for you guys. You are both awesome😘😘😘

  91. Евгений Тимаков
    Евгений Тимаков October 3, 2019

    Your story-it's bang,because I'm so happy for you 😍😍😍and I'm gay too 😍Love from Russia

  92. Jerry Euro
    Jerry Euro October 3, 2019

    Thanks again. I just find out your father was a Comductor. I am polish guy on American rail road. On board service.
    Hope I will see you somewhere on Portland’s street

  93. Steve Freedman
    Steve Freedman October 4, 2019

    My Dear Adam…..I am still crying from what was an AMAZING coming out story and the experience you had during that time is only a testament of the person you are today. Coming out in my day was so different as people didn't talk about it much but their were still people coming out for their own need to come out. I knew I was different when I was 11, 12, 13 as I noticed I was looking at other boys at that age and no girls at all. As time went on through elementary and junior high the feelings I had were much stronger towards other guys. Mind you I grew up in a dysfunctional household(another story for another time sweetheart) and when I finally knew what gay was I kept it to myself because I wanted to keep it a secret and "hold it" close to me because that's all I had amongst all the turmoil at home….my discovered sexuality and it was all mine. As years passed and finally started coming out, I remembered I came out to a close Uncle of mine and he said he wouldn't have been surprised if I told him at 18…I was about 26-27 at the time(I was a late bloomer)…then as several years passed I started dating a guy who lived close by to me and that was around 91-92ish….thats when I decided to "come on out" to the rest of my family…unbeknownst my family already figured it out…I came out to my mom who I was very close to and she said to me, you know how long I've been waiting…we all figured it out already…the same with my two sister's and a very dear friend I came out to said….we all knew, we were just waiting for you…luckily this coming out went really well….but I think about what you had to go through and my heart was breaking and it made me cry knowing you had to endure such heartache and misery….I wish I could have been their for you honey….thats why my reason for being a gay mama is so important to me with the gay youth. So MANY stories I hear about families kicking their kids out and disowning them for being gay and don't love them for who they are. Whatever happened to loving your kids unconditionally? My kids that I mentor talk to me almost every day and they always have something to say to me…bad or good I am there for them all….I may not talk much but I'm a great listener. Although kids are coming out earlier these days I will never forget what I and many more like me had to do back then to establish a new found freedom from those chains that bound us…so to speak….thats why I AM SO VERY PROUD OF YOU HONEY, and so happy that your parents have taken such an interest in your life and your dear Bernardo. Being gay is not the problem but not being educated on the subject is. THANK YOU, THANK YOU for sharing such a poignant and personal side of you…it was very endearing and emotional for me and I love you both and NEVER, EVER let ANYONE treat you both less than you are….you are both so much more than that….NEVER let being gay define you as a person. YOU ARE BOTH PERFECT THE WAY YOU ARE AND WE ALL LOVE YOU!!!!!❤❤❤❤xoxo Mama Steve😊👍👍👍👍🌹🌹🌹

  94. Michael A
    Michael A October 5, 2019

    I feel your pain.

  95. anachreon01
    anachreon01 October 6, 2019

    How fascinating that Exodus International shows no understanding of Christ's own praxis denies it's own "mission statement"! Crazy, mad, insulting and horrendous behaviour from a group pretending to be "Christian". This is just sick. Thankfully, you overcame all this nonsense.

  96. anachreon01
    anachreon01 October 6, 2019

    Very pleased that Exodus grew up. Good for them, and good that they had the decency to apologise, maybe the Church could be that gracious.

  97. Blessed Be
    Blessed Be October 6, 2019

    Adam foi incrível ouvir sua história. Eu consegui de uma certa forma ver cada momento de sua jornada e cada coisa que você passou. Fico muito feliz em saber que você conseguiu se encontrar e sua família o apoia. Desejo muita sorte e luz em seu caminho. Você e o Bernardo tem uma linda história a ser escrita. Sejam felizes hj amanha e sempre🙏🏻❤️

  98. ali janad
    ali janad October 7, 2019

    This video make me cry

  99. jsauls
    jsauls October 8, 2019

    Wow! That was powerful and courageous. Certainly not an easy story for you to tell, but I’m glad you did. I came out a long time ago, but there are so many people out there, still seeking acceptance, and hopefully stories like yours will inspire others to be authentic and true to themselves. Thanks for sharing Adam.

  100. dmitriy SwiftKey
    dmitriy SwiftKey October 9, 2019

    Парни, вы супер пара 👬 👍

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