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The Therapeutic Relationship – Self-Harm and Eating Disorder Video with Kati Morton | Kati Morton


Shake it out, shake it out okay Hey everyone, this week’s video comes from a question that I got and I thought it was really good, it was about what is the therapeutic relationship, and why is it so important? So stay tuned. [Kati Morton MFTI] [Healthy Mind, Healthy Body] So I got a great question, I believe it was on Twitter, last week or the week before, asking about the therapeutic relationship because as many of you know, whether you’ve been told this or whether I’ve told you because I say this a lot but it’s very important that we like our therapists and we have what we call a “therapeutic relationship.” And sometimes I use these terms, these “therapist terms,” and it’s kind of frustrating because you’re like “Kati, I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about, because I’m not a therapist…” Right? And so thanks for cluing me in to that because I’m kind of silly sometimes. But, the therapeutic relationship is just that, it’s your relationship with your therapist and how you feel about him or her. And all of the research, ALL of the research (If I was on a movie set all these file would fall down…it’s research, right?) All of it shows that the most important thing is how we feel about our therapist and how that relationship works. So, that’s the most important thing because if we like them and we respect them and they respect us and we understand one another, miracles can happen, right? We can actually feel confident and comfortable enough to talk about those things that we’re like that you guys tell me “uh, I don’t want to tell him, I’m so nervous…” right, but we feel comfortable because they’re like our partner in crime, you know? And it can make things a lot easier for us. So, that’s what the therapeutic relationship is. It’s when you sit with your therapist and when you meet with them for the first time, you know how some of you are like, “yeah, I met with this person, it’s just not right…” I’m like, “Find somebody else!” If we can, I know insurance makes things all annoying, but if we can, I always encourage people, let’s find somebody else for you, because if you don’t like them already, and you’ve only met them once, chances are you probably won’t like them. But, when you go to see somebody, and you’re like “Kati, it was amazing! You’re right, it’s not as scary as I thought it was going to be!” then that’s a great pair. You’ve met someone you can really work with. And that’s why it’s so important. Especially when we’re finally reaching out. Right, because I know it’s so nervewracking and it makes us really nervous, and we think about it and we second-guess and we question and we think again whether we should tell someone, whether we should get help and I always urge people: do! Do! But, like any job, there are people who are really good at their job and there’s people who are really shitty at their job. You know? It’s like you might go to the same Starbucks every morning, I’m guilty, and there’s somebody that makes your coffee “uh, it’s so good, it’s just amazing!” And then there’s somebody else who’s like slopping it together and there’s stuff running down the side and they’re like “Here’s your soy latte.” I’m like, “Thanks a lot…” So, it’s the same with therapists. And I’m not calling anybody out, but there are people who love their jobs who have compassion and really want to help and they do research and we go to conventions and we go to conferences and we stay up on everything and we want to know, and we get excited to hear how things are going. Right? There’s always those people. I love my job, and other people love their jobs too, but then there’s people who don’t, and so if it doesn’t feel right, don’t make a second appointment. Make another first appointment with somebody else. And that’s okay. And that’s why it’s so important to our treatment, because we need to have a team behind us that’s rooting for us, that we feel comfortable coming in and being like “Well, I cut this week. I’m sorry.” or, “I binged and purged,” or “I restricted, I hid food in my jacket in my pocket when I was out on a meal out with my friend.” Or whatever. We need to be comfortable enough to say those things because that’s what the treatment is about, that’s what therapy’s about is me knowing what’s going right, what’s going wrong, and then us working together to change our goals and to say “okay, that was really hard, what can we do to make it better?” Right? Because we’re always trying to get better, and to work through things. And it’s a process, it’s not perfection. It’s a process, and everybody’s process is different. And we can’t compare. And we can’t get competitive. You know, everybody’s different. So, make sure that when you make that appointment and you meet with a therapist that you have that kind of spark, not to sound creepy and it’s like romantic or anything but you need to have that friendship spark, where you’re like “Wow, this person really gets me, and I feel comfortable and I could really cry if I needed to or scream or shout or throw a pillow or something.” Right? We need to have that. So, I hope that helps a little bit, and I know many of you are in the process of looking into seeing that first therapist and you’re really nervous, and I have an old video, back when I first started about making that first therapy appointment so check that out, okay? Because it’s really helpful and it kind of walks you through what to expect. But this is more about what you should feel in the moment when you’re sitting with your therapist, okay? So that you know that this is your therapist, this is part of your treatment team, this is someone you want to make weekly appointments with. Okay? I hope that helps and kind of makes sense, I know I’ve been getting that question a lot. And don’t forget to subscribe to my channel, because often times I put out videos not on a Monday or a Sunday, it might be in the middle of the week, and then you get an e-mail and you know about it right away So I know some of you are like “Kati, I’m having a really bad week, I hope there’s a mid-week video!” And then you’ll know if there is! So please subscribe. And also, leave the comments below, let me know about good and bad experiences, and kind of what you felt. Try to help people know what they’re going to feel and think in the session because I know it’s really hard to describe, like that little spark and that click, it’s like, talking about the how you meet person you’re going to marry, “I just knew!” Right? But we need to kind of know what to look for. “Yeah, it was kind of uncomfortable, but it was just my anxiety, but I really liked them.” So, please share what it was like when you met that therapist, that match for you, that worked out. And you had that good connection, and they were part of your treatment team for a long time. Just let us know, so that we can learn from one another we’re a big community, we’re growing, we’re getting to know one another we’re sharing our successes and our little failures and our let-downs and our excitement and it’s great, so please keep sharing, and we’ll keep working together, and I’ll keep putting out videos as we work towards a healthy mind and a healthy body. Find out from friends and family if anybody’s seeing somebody that they’re comfortable with it’s possible that you’ll be comfortable as well. But if that’s not the case, you don’t feel comfortable asking someone, you can also call your insurance company… [Click here to view video-Making your 1st appointment with a Therapist] Subtitles by the Amara.org community

74 Comments

  1. Astra Juliette
    Astra Juliette March 11, 2013

    I really really wish I had the courage to ask my doctor for a referral to therapy, but I'm too embarrassed to talk to anyone about what I do ๐Ÿ™ is there an easier way to ask for help?

  2. Elizabeth Cabrera
    Elizabeth Cabrera March 11, 2013

    I had a great connection with my therapist. I was really nervous but she helped me feel more comfortable, and now a year later, I'm still seeing her. ๐Ÿ™‚ I just felt that it was a good fit. Thanks again for another great video, Kati!<3

  3. Hallie Forbess
    Hallie Forbess March 11, 2013

    I've been trying to find a good therapist for a while now. I've gone to a few college counselors and one made me feel worse about myself while the second was not very professional. Don't hesitate to see your college counselors, but also be wary. They're not always the best therapists.

  4. Pamela Carone
    Pamela Carone March 11, 2013

    your amazing

  5. PuddinginVienna
    PuddinginVienna March 11, 2013

    You can really tell how passionate you are about your job! Thats really amazing!:)

  6. Laura Thurlow
    Laura Thurlow March 11, 2013

    I had a first appointment with a counsellor the other day and before I'd even had the appointment I thought she'd definitely be a good counsellor just from the way she responded to me and called it "our session" just felt like she's definitely on my side y'know?.. I only have 5 sessions (stupid short term counselling) but hopefully that'll be enough. your videos have DEFINITELY helped me work out how to get my feelings into actual words and stuff. you're awesome. ๐Ÿ™‚

  7. justagirl1516
    justagirl1516 March 11, 2013

    My first therapist I didn't like. I felt judged. She said some things that made me more nervous than comfortable. And she pointed out when I was doing weird anxiety ticks. Not Helpful. So I went to someone else. The next person I went to was so nice. I knew I would go back when I had said "I watch these videos on youtube by Kati Morton and I love them, they made me want to try " & she said "Oh, yeah? Well I will have to watch her videos and see what you're putting in your brain." Instant win.

  8. breadlebees
    breadlebees March 11, 2013

    I know for me it was all about being comfortable with my therapist. Being a victim of abuse growing up I wasnt comfortable being with a male therapist so that knocked many different options but once I went to my first intake appointment with my therapist I knew she was the right person for me. In our first session I may not have completely opened up, but there were a few moments where I made her laugh which made me more comfortable telling my baggage. Been with her for 7 months & I hope it helps

  9. Lois Parker
    Lois Parker March 11, 2013

    I feel like i am too close to my therapist, I respect her and we really get along but its become like a friendship and now when i feel like i am relapsing, i feel like i am going to really disappoint her, even though i know she will help me and wont judge, so it scares me to say something.

  10. arikannem
    arikannem March 11, 2013

    You're wonderful.

  11. Lily Lucia
    Lily Lucia March 12, 2013

    This is a really helpful video ๐Ÿ™‚ I think I knew I'd "clicked" with someone when I realised that if we were outside of the therapy situation, I'd want to be friends with them. Once you have that "friendship spark" you talked about, it's much easier to open up about serious stuff. xoxo

  12. Sarah uk
    Sarah uk March 12, 2013

    I'm in my 16th month of being on a waiting list still to see a therapist.Apparently I'm near the top of the list now.I'm in the uk and the nhs they need more therapists.I've ended up finding a charity organisation that offer help to see if they can help me in the mean time.There's only so many times I can chase it up & ask for help which is sad.xx

  13. singinwithceline
    singinwithceline March 12, 2013

    Ok so oddly enough, the first person to "spot" my ED was my Psych prof at my old college. She referred me on campus counseling. I was VERY nervous about going because I had had "caseworkers" from my local mental health facility in high school who were supposed to be helping me betray my trust. But I finally went and she was wonderful. When I hit the free session limit, she referred me to my current therapist. Figure out what you'd like from a therapist.

  14. Anne Lam Music
    Anne Lam Music March 12, 2013

    I love your videos! (:

  15. Lill Snworb
    Lill Snworb March 12, 2013

    so if you cant tell the truth you should leave…what do you think if there are no other options should you keep trying? it has been two sessions… and have had to lie so many times which sucks but i just keep thinkning it will get easier… more like praying it does…

  16. Amy Lou
    Amy Lou March 12, 2013

    you are so right about that spark. i have had the best and most helpful theraputic relationships with people whom i felt i could be friends with. Even years later i still communicate with 2 of them through cards or email. i have also had a few that i just didnt click with. it takes time and can be a frustrating process, but its so worth it when you find the right person.

  17. TheOfficialMG
    TheOfficialMG March 12, 2013

    I love my therapist but im a really private person and i just cant make myself tell her about when things arent going good. I dont know why!

  18. Lo
    Lo March 12, 2013

    I recently lost the therapist I had for 2 years. She really understood and helped me like nobody else ever did. Now I have to get a new one because I'm 18 and I'm scared It's not gonna work as well with the new one. Plus I felt kind of sad losing my first therapist and I don't want to get attach again and be sad when I lose her.

  19. Marcela Ibarra
    Marcela Ibarra March 12, 2013

    I knew my therapist was the one for me the first time she saw my watery eyes, and she told me, you don't have to pretend with me, I'm the one person you can truly be yourself with and I'll never judge you, and then I started crying. I thiknk you just feel like they actually care. You can see it in how they look at you when you talk or the things they ask you.

  20. MJ Grondines
    MJ Grondines March 12, 2013

    This is so true. My therapist I can tell basically anything to. Its someone who I say things I wouldn't normally tell anyone but its good because she can really help me process things and deal with those personal thoughts and such.

  21. Kaz Leigh
    Kaz Leigh March 12, 2013

    no bloopers?:( ๐Ÿ˜› xxx

  22. Astra Juliette
    Astra Juliette March 12, 2013

    I'm in the UK, basically if we want a therapist from the NHS we have to see our GP and they will refer us to an appropriate clinic. It works like this for everything in the UK, say if you had a bad knee and wanted physio, you would do the same thing. There are normally long waiting lists for everything. The school idea could be good, but I'm still really embarrassed.

  23. Emma
    Emma March 12, 2013

    Kati, can we talk about transference? I feel like it happens so often in my therapeutic relationships and it's uncomfortable and I don't want to experience it. Like … when you have that "spark", but you keep wanting more and you can never get enough. The only people who have told me that they can relate to me are people who also suffer with BPD. I don't think it's strictly a BPD thing though. I just want to know how to bring it up to a therapist and how to deal with it.

  24. helen a
    helen a March 12, 2013

    she is awesome and really good at her job. I just needed to realise that it would take a while for her to get to know me.. now she brings up the difficult topics as if she instinctively knows they are something that I want to talk about, and she seems to understand even if I explain things really rubbishly!! So, in my experience I wouldn't come to a conclusion that want to change therapists after one session.. sometimes give it a chance:)

  25. stefanie spr
    stefanie spr March 12, 2013

    great video Kati ๐Ÿ™‚ hope ur having a great week and keep making this wonderful and helpful videos xxx ohh and good luck at ur exams xxx

  26. TheTerrifictara
    TheTerrifictara March 12, 2013

    I have my first counselling appointment tomorrow actually and I'm worried about saying something that may get me in trouble. I'm just wondering, do you think it would be detrimental to hold back on talking about my selfharm,eating habits and a sexual assault that occurred (many years ago) in order to make sure my parents don't hear about it? it would just make life at home a lot worse if they knew :/

  27. golddustme
    golddustme March 12, 2013

    Loved this topic! I had my share of therapists who I felt really didnt "get" me and I finally found the right much later in my life (27) after having an eating disorder since age 12. Having the right therapist and meeting someone who actually really did care about me and wanted to help and see me make it through to freedom was one of the most important factors in recovering. I am not in therapy today but i keep in touch with my therapist through email and stopping by to say hi and share a hug.

  28. Emily Webster
    Emily Webster March 12, 2013

    Hey Kati.
    I had my 1st therapy session yesterday (with the only therapist in my area) and it was terrible. I was a complete mess. I just can't talk about stuff and I really don't want to go back. I'm considering leaving and trying to fix things on my own (I managed to make a bit of progress today already so maybe I can do it solo).
    I hear that this needs to be solved with therapy but I don't think I can do that. Is there any way to fix it without seeing a therapist or do I have to go back?

  29. Amberley King
    Amberley King March 12, 2013

    I havent had a good meeting yet, they keep giving me men counselors and I told them, i dont like to speak to males i just have a thing against them, so every time they give me a male and it gets me so angry and i get really agitated I walk out. I havent found someone yet but i hope i can.

  30. singinwithceline
    singinwithceline March 13, 2013

    I wish youtube would get rid of the character limit. What I meant by figure out what you want is are you more comfortable with a man or a woman? Is faith an important factor in your treatment? Do you have a diagnosis? If so, it may be helpful to find a specialist in that area.

  31. Lauren M
    Lauren M March 14, 2013

    I have been seeing my therapist weekly (or more) for almost 3 years now, and she is the best therapist I've ever seen. I am 18 so I may be going to college in five months and I don't want to stop seeing her because she's helped me so much. Whats a good way to close that relationship?

  32. Eloise Eighteen
    Eloise Eighteen March 14, 2013

    I really thought I'd found a good therapist, I had the initial trial appointment and now three actual sessions. I don't have a full team but she said she could help with meal planning as well as the therapy side of things. However last session she said actually she wasn't able to do that (which is good and honest etc) but also just seemed not focused on the session. I don't want the stress of trying another person but I don't want to pursue this if I am just going to have to change :/

  33. jane doe
    jane doe March 15, 2013

    i loved this video kati! i love all ur videos….i looooove my therapist nd docor soo much! like i get sad wen times up with them…i wish they cud adopt me or something..lol im 20 nd know im kinda childish..but they ive me the love nd hugs ive never gotten growing up… i get really attached to any woman who gives me the light of day..hahaa not men tho for some reason..they cud be nice but i dont wanna cling to them haha..im weird

  34. Josephine Su
    Josephine Su March 15, 2013

    I saw a therapist for 4 months weekly. He was not the best therapist, but I couldn't compare because he the only one I've seen. Some things he did I didn't like:
    He called me his student (bad connotations, I felt like I had to say what he wanted to hear).
    Also he asked me for feedback. I felt like I had to reassure him, that he was doing his job right.
    We were from different backgrounds. (I shouldn't even know that, but he told me anyways).
    I felt really embarrassed, I always held back tears.

  35. Catherine Dziallo
    Catherine Dziallo March 15, 2013

    Do you have a video about managing 2 conditions? I have a heart condition and a mood disorder which significantly affects my ability to make healthy choices.

  36. Alicia Marie
    Alicia Marie March 17, 2013

    I found this with my therapist. I thought my old therapist and i had a good working relationship…but now that i have this new one i can totally see that she was NOT helpful at all. I realized she really sucks at her job. But my new therapist has encouraged me to be like her when i become a therapist! Thanks for the video!

  37. Katy Kelly
    Katy Kelly March 18, 2013

    Great Video. I'm 14 and I have suffered with self harm for 4 years, recently school found out, i'm in counselling but i just try and avoid her questions about it, i mean she's nice but i just get really nervous when i go to see her :L

  38. Tessa Sparks
    Tessa Sparks March 21, 2013

    I had a therapist i hated and that's sort of one of the reasons i started my disordered eating and self harm. I ended up in the hospital. It really actually matters if you like them. Im getting better now because i have one i love again.

  39. Dissociation Diaries
    Dissociation Diaries March 22, 2013

    This is really reassuring. It's nice to know that you don't have to force it with someone that you don't get on with.

  40. 4staperkins
    4staperkins March 24, 2013

    Some people believe that eating disorders can be cause by genetics. Some people posses a trait that leads them to be more prone to this. Coming from a family that has over 4 generations of eating disorders I wonder about this. What are your thoughts on eating disorders and genetics?

  41. Lauren M
    Lauren M March 25, 2013

    Just curious have you ever done DBT? It's been really helpful.

  42. Lauren M
    Lauren M March 25, 2013

    Also, heres some video idea's:
    -Coming back after being in a hospital- I've was lost and had a hard transition the times I went back home after inpatient
    -DBT-(If you use it)
    -is it ok to be vegetarian/ vegan (or have a special diet) while recovering from an ED
    -is being a therapist a good idea after struggling with mental illness for so long

    Just Some Suggestions, also your video's are great! =)

  43. Louise Maye
    Louise Maye March 28, 2013

    This is a great video!when I was in therapy first I was only allowed a certain number of sessions because it was a free service & so I had to find someone else. When I did, she was so awkward and I couldn't get used to her, so after about 4 sessions with her i knew I needed someone else! Thankfully I found an amazing therapist and I'm so glad I did because she's helped my through a lot. Don't be discouraged if the first,or second isn't the right one!you'll soon find someone you click with

  44. McKenzie Horsley
    McKenzie Horsley April 7, 2013

    These videos are super. Can u do a video on social anxiety? Thanks

  45. rainbow girl 76
    rainbow girl 76 April 30, 2013

    Hi kati. Really enjoying ur videos. Ive been bulimic for 10yrs and im 37yrs old.i used to be real lean with the bulimia but now i am still eating disordered but obese. There is nothing anywhere about bring obese and still bulimic. Can u do something on this?

  46. Bluee Eyedd
    Bluee Eyedd May 6, 2013

    hey i'm suffering from an eating disorder, and was wondering if you would mind just having a look at my first youtube video – and maybe just share it around so people can watch it, sorry for being so incredibly awkward ahh ๐Ÿ™‚

  47. Hannah Jones
    Hannah Jones May 10, 2013

    I've had 2 good therapists and one really bad the 2 good ones were for a start younger; which wasn't a prerequisite, but it helped me relate to them. Anyway i guess it's not that complicated, they were good because they listened. The bad one forced me to sit through hypnotherapy and made the sessions about herself. The first good one made me a little uncomfortable cause she used to stare at me with her massive eyes, but she was fun and usually the looks she gave were of empathy so that was okay.

  48. charitie brooks
    charitie brooks May 31, 2013

    I don't feel horrid around my therapist currently but I can't be as honest with her as I could with my first one. I could tell my old therapist anything I felt so safe in her hands and the one i have now is not like that

  49. JustmeNici
    JustmeNici June 5, 2013

    I'm sitting here with my friend at the moment, showing her this vid because she does go to a therapist, but she doesn't feel good talking to her. She does not want to go back or even go to another therapist. How should I convince her to fo find another therapist?

  50. Hendricana
    Hendricana June 7, 2013

    My current therapist I found through the Roman Catholic diocese in our area and she gave me free therapy when I first started seeing her. Now I have insurance and she splits my copay, because things are still tight. She's just really nice and affirms me when I'm on the right track and clues me in when I'm driving myself nuts. Another therapist that I had was just super empathic and compassionate and knew how to do EMDR which helped me process some tough stuff.

  51. Jamie1982
    Jamie1982 June 13, 2013

    I've been with my therapist for almost two years. He diagnosed me with PTSD. I didn't dislike my therapist from the beginning- but it took me a long time to trust him. The first 15 months I tried to find ways to cancel therapy or put it off- anything to avoid it. What has helped make me feel more comfortable with my therapist is emailing him in-between sessions (he almost never emails back). I share with him what is going on or giving feedback from the previous session.

  52. Miss Mymoo
    Miss Mymoo August 22, 2013

    #KatiFAQ : Do I have to tell a new therapist/psychiatrist that I've been seeing someone else for almost 2 years from now, if I decide to switch?

  53. Rachel Sperl
    Rachel Sperl August 7, 2014

    I was just like "oh lord an old person shes gonna suck" and my anxiety was horrible in that appointment but by the 2nd one i was just like "well ok shes a pretty freaking awesome lady" and we have a really great theraputic relationship ๐Ÿ™‚

  54. Amanda Williams
    Amanda Williams August 19, 2014

    I'm afraid to tell my therapist certain things. I get all tounge tied at times. What should I do?

  55. Baixiulan
    Baixiulan October 18, 2014

    I feel always stressed up when I go to see my psychologist. She told me that in my case I will always feel that way but I just have to understand that she won't judge me and let it go… It takes me like almost 15 minutes each session before feeling comfortable. (It is not about whom I "work" with but just letting someone almost getting in my head and dark and "stupid" (well I find them stupid but not her) thoughts ")

  56. Kyles Stutchbury
    Kyles Stutchbury July 2, 2015

    I have two therapists now. I live in Australia and the government only give you 10 free sessions a year, then I have had to use my insurance but that still costs me $50 per session. So now I see two, I have only just started see the psychologist at uni because it is free. With my first therapist (which I am still seeing) it took me a while to warm up to him, only because I hadn't been in therapy before. It was hard, scary, overwhelming, and stressful the first 10 minutes but he made me feel comfortable straight away. I think it was like 3 sessions until we connected fully. It does get easier to see someone over time. The therapist I have recently started seeing, I have a very strong connection with him, we clicked straight away. It helped having previous therapy experience so to speak, lol. You just know that they are the right one. I can't explain it but say you will just know. I can take a few sessions, but I also believe if they are not the right one you will know straight away, you won't want to reveal much to them and won't have that urge and pounding heart to get whatever it is off your chest.

  57. Andy Mosley
    Andy Mosley July 26, 2015

    i have never once had a good therapist. but when i went to inpatient i really connected with a few of the staff members. i am friends with them on fb and still reach out to them sometimes when i really need it

  58. Alina Ipsch
    Alina Ipsch August 6, 2015

    great vid ! Love watching these.
    And I really get which moment or which kind of spark you mean. I felt that during IP this year. The therapeutic relationship was great and didnt abruptly stoppped after being IP for 10 weeks. sad part is, im currently relapsing and she isnt working as an outpatient therapist.I can still call or write her, if in need, but I cant visit her weekly or so. I struggle to make the first step searching for a new therapist as my last experience was so great and the therapeutic relationship was absolutely perfect. I think it could only be worse now. Anyway, thanks for making such useful vids !

  59. silent scream
    silent scream August 9, 2015

    hi katiย 
    i lied to my therapist about 2 things but i am ready now to tell her about it and to explain why i did it but it been more than 3 months she didn't give me an appointment and i am really attached to her. #katiFAQ ย so my question is : is she not giving me appointment because she knew that i lied? is there anything you can tell me to do to stay safe till i get an appointment?
    thank you for your videos
    PS: i'm from Lebanon sorry if i wrote anything wrong?

  60. hippogriffgrrl10
    hippogriffgrrl10 August 23, 2015

    Anyone considering going into this kind of field should have to watch this–have the idea drilled into to their head that this is serious fucking stuff, and if you are not going to care, you should NOT be a therapist/etc. People's lives are hanging in the balance, and if you're going to be all, "ugh, WORK" about it and aren't going to give the 100% effort that someone needs from you and that by taking on this kind of job you have promised to give, then you have no business advertising yourself as a therapist or a counselor or a psychiatric nurse or a whatever. You have to be more than just "competent" to do this kind of job. You have to be, at the very least, actually compassionate and sincerely helpful and proactive and you have to CARE and you have to actually do you need to do to help your clients or patients or whoever. You can't just sit there and be unconcerned and unhelpful and charge them money for it. That's basically fraud, for one thing–but that's just irresponsible, and that's just really, really shitty of you as a human being.

  61. Carly Robertson
    Carly Robertson September 5, 2015

    Do they start the conversation? I have my first one Thursday and idk what to talk about and I usually shut down talking about anything and I'm just really nervous…

  62. TheCrazyskier7
    TheCrazyskier7 December 4, 2015

    I find it takes me a few sessions to get comfortable with a new therapist. I find the first session always feel like an interrogation and it's hard to do that over and over again with every new therapist.

  63. Maya Hall
    Maya Hall January 14, 2016

    Hahaha the beginning. It makes me wonder if she does that for every video

  64. Marcel
    Marcel February 17, 2016

    Hey Kati, Im using as a reference on my counselling assigment about therapeutic relationship

  65. Eloise Marie
    Eloise Marie March 20, 2016

    I found my therapist on the internet. The reviews that I read of her were so detailed that I knew they must be true. So I was desperate enough to call and leave a message. Then she called me back. Oh boy, I just stared and stared at the phone afraid to pick up but I thought I better or else I will never have the courage to call anyone else. She sounded nice on the phone so I made the appointment and she told me that we could just try it out and see if we matched. The first session I could tell that she thought like me and could understand what I was saying and she had some really great feedback so I decided to book another appointment. I was so freaking scared but she is SO good. Her insights, her tips, her techniques, her view of the world and how I could begin to look at it. Well it was easy to talk with them from the very first session. It's been a month and I am SO much better!!!!!!!!! I still my therapist but I feel like I could stop now and I would be so much the better person for it.

  66. empathic multiples
    empathic multiples July 21, 2016

    weirdly or not i clicked with all my therapists so far. i'm just like super shy and stuff but at d mid of d session i'll get really talkative n all…

  67. Sara Nevius
    Sara Nevius September 30, 2016

    just some constructive feedback from another mfti, this video was a bit challenging to watch with all the hand gestures.

  68. Jennifer Storer
    Jennifer Storer November 28, 2016

    I've been seeing my therapist for almost 3 years now and I feel like I just recently really let her "in". I had always liked her and knew she was one of my strongest supports, but I didn't really start feeling completely comfortable sharing everything or even actually letting myself cry until maybe 2 months ago!

  69. caseus8
    caseus8 June 18, 2018

    I'm a book person. If I walk into your office and there are titles I vibe with, that's my spark.

  70. AllieSpeaks
    AllieSpeaks November 21, 2018

    I feel like I've only ever had a good client therapist relationship ONCE. It was from May 2018-Oct 2018 but I ended up being to high risk for my colleges counseling center to wanted deal with, was terminated services against my will. Despite all of the crap that happened towards the end of my time there I still am keeping my promises to my former therapist for not drinking until April 2019 (6 months of no drinking). That's how good the relationship was. He refused to out an M1 hold on me unless another one of his coworkers would also be able to assess me, if not I'd be in his office for an hour, shuttled to other rooms between his other appointments. He asked questions during silence but respected the silence when needed. It was a perfect balance.
    He diagnosed me formally with borderline personality disorder but never told me, I had to see it on a summary treatment paper…??
    I'm on the hunt for a GOOD therapist who specializes and has been doing their job for 3+ years. I prefer someone who is older than me, can be sarcastic, and understand when I want to be picked apart with questions. My current therapist is still doing her field hours, and does a lot of "ah's and oh wow". Like ask me a question! She doesn't want to go through all the extra hours of specializations. I think I need to see someone new. But I'm a people pleaser and tend to stick with whoever I'm sent to. This is my 4th therapist!
    1. Guy made me pray with him and imposed his.beliefs on me
    2. College therapist and he was AMAZING he knows what he is doing. I wish him all the best.
    3. Guy who broke the law, texted me, bullied me, and talked about his problems in therapy
    4. Current woman who is still in training with no desire to specialize
    I have a lot of trauma, I need someone who is experienced, I'm not an easy case to take on, I need someone who tells me how the actively self care, and I need to just click with someone. I'll want treatment one day, and the next hour it's the worst thing to have happen in my life, just a back and forth.

  71. GingerGilligan
    GingerGilligan January 1, 2019

    I'm the kind of person who is shy and anxious with EVERYBODY I first meet. I would probably want to give the therapist a few more chances, even if I didn't feel 100% comfortable at first, because I know my anxiety is me, not him/her. Sometimes it takes me a very long time to feel comfortable and trust another person.

  72. Misu Carito
    Misu Carito February 9, 2019

    Well… In my first appointment I cried a lot, because of my anxiety, but when I leave I knew that he was the right therapist for me ( I did a lot of therapy before him years ago, but it didnt feel like that). But since that it has been 2 years and a half, and about two weeks ago he told me something really painful that I dont think that it has to do with my process. So I dont know if I should keep seeing him, although on the other hand he trully helped me and I will miss him. What should I do? Any help? โ™ฅ

  73. Leanne Doolan
    Leanne Doolan March 4, 2019

    Hey @Katimorton , iv just started seeing my therapist. Had 3 sessions with her upto now. Its seem ok but because my last therapist i had a bad experience with im obviously very anxious… How many sessions do would u say to know if that therapist is right? I dont think shes not at all I'm surprised how well my last session went. But because of my bad experience with the my old one there's always the fear that it might go wrong like my last one did. Thanks hope u can answer this.

  74. im19ice3
    im19ice3 July 10, 2019

    what i really like about my therapist is that she's very respectful and considerate, when i talk about ways in which i see the world that i know are unhealthy but they're all i have she always reassures me that it doesn't make me a bad person, that i coped however i was able to and knowing sh'es going to be understanding rather than judgemental, if i get hung up on words that i feel are imprecise she won't scold me for it the way sometimes other people do because they think i'mderailing the conversation, she knows it's important to me to be accurately understood and communicate clearly, which i'm sure is inconvenient sometimes since we've pulle dout a dictionary while in session before, those parts of me that i feel shame or annoyance about are as important a part of me as my virtues in that space, i don't feel like i am undeserving or devoid of power with her, it feels like an equal exchange

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