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Uh, I started gender therapy?

So this is a video about me starting Gender Therapy. Yup. Hey Everybody! Today Is my first ever day of Gender Therapy and I have no idea what to expect. I’m really nervous to be honest, I thought I was just excited I remember this doctor is very like, Highly recommended and there is like a huge wait in Minnesota for **sniff** um, Good gender therapy, like I called The Center of Sexual Health, and I was really disheartened, they were kind of funny. They were being Weird on the phone, there was also a five-month waiting list, and then I found this therapist, And he was available, well he wasn’t available, he had a full schedule But, um, He said he seemed really interested in me and there was gonna be some Cancellations so he might be able to work me in with the cancellations, and I might be needing a letter For something in the future. *weird expressive noise* So, I really wanted to, you know, like take advantage of this opportunity, so I replied and was, like yes, yes, yes, That’d be amazing and then he called me back, and he’s like okay, let’s set It up, and then we scheduled a time and I like freaked out, I think I literally screamed, Grace like couldn’t stop smiling cause’ she thought I was so cute. It was cute, and then I couldn’t stop smiling! Because Grace thought that I was cute, and she was cute, and we were both so cute. Anyway, Um, yeah, so I’ve just only been excited until today, because I’ve been to therapy before, so I kind of think I know what to expect, Then today rolled around, like the time has come, And like, I’m really nervous! I know it’s gonna be good, but I don’t know why I’m nervous! I really didn’t even think I would get nervous I thought I’d only be excited. Well his name Is Dr. Scott, my appointment is at One O’clock, And, I’ll take you with me! And, hopefully it goes well. I really don’t know how gender therapy is different than regular therapy where we talk about gender. We’ll figure it out! Hey everybody! So I just got my hair cut, and now I’m on my way to my appointment. I won’t lie to you I consciously chose a very masculine outfit. Like this is like a stupid train of thought, but so my Therapist does not doubt, like, my not cisness. Because you know Internalized ish where our clothes Equal our gender, haha! I Just don’t want him to, that’s like the last thing I want to do, is convince my gender therapist of my gender, that sounds horrible, so i was like, I’ll just wear something really masculine, uhh, But I think I look cute, so hopefully you do too. I’m excited. Would you like to hear how I found my therapist? I found him because Grace and I moved and I got a new primary care provider, a new regular doctor, Who worked closer to where I lived, and when I scheduled my appointment with my primary care physician, I was on the phone and I was like, “I would like a new primary care physician somewhere in, where I live.” Ummm, It’s mostly about medication management, but It would be cool if they knew something about LGBT or trans things, cause I might ask for referrals, and then the scheduling lady got all excited, she’s like “Oh I have the perfect person for you!” I feel like it’s kind of bright I’m gonna, *lens switching* Is that better? I feel like that might be better. So I showed up and we did all our regular things, and, I was trying to Figure out where to work in, you know, all my gendery questions, because that’s like a scary thing, to do, so at the very end of the appointment she was like, “Okay, well do you have any other questions?” And then I just did it. I just like *gulping noise* took a Big Ol’ Gulp of Bravery, and said like oh yeah actually, so um, I’m actually Genderqueer and I’m kind of, I ju– , I have a, uhh I’m contemplating having like medically possibly transitioning and I was kind of Just, wanting to talk through it with a gender therapist, do you have referrals? If you don’t it’s okay, if you don’t have Any ideas it’s fine, it’s kind of like a niche question I totally understand and like its fine, *intelligible Ash sounds* And she was like, “Oh my gosh that-that is fantastic Actually my daughter, her pronouns are she her, So, her daughter’s not a trans guy. I tweeted this out on twitter and everybody was like, “Daughter don’t you mean son?” No daughter. She was like, “My daughter actually just got keyhole top surgery!” And I was like wha– *Ash/dinosaur hybrid noises*, I have honestly never met a human being who’s not a trans guy, Who’s afab in real life beyond the internet, I’ve never met a person like that, who-who has had top surgery. I absolutely know they exist, I am subscribed to all of them on YouTube *laughter* I’ll link all their channels below. I watch all Non-Binary top surgery *more laughter* videos, and Non-Binary transition videos. I Am, that’s my, that’s my thing. I know everybody! But I’d never ever met a person in, you know, Real life, irl, so the fact that I’ve still never met this person, but the fact that my doctor’s daughter Was this person was like, one degree of separation and it was just like, Happenstance, kind of, I mean, I’m sure that’s why the scheduling lady gave me that doctor, but still, my mind Was blown, I was like, “Hooooly balls, holy butts!” And the doctor actually started to tear up, because she was telling me about her daughter’s transition and she was like “It was so sweet. What I really liked about it is my daughter kept me, like, involved through the whole process!” And she,-she was like, “You’re gonna make me cry!” And she started to tear up a little bit, and I was like *more Ash/dinosaur hybrid noises* It was like the most fucking affirming thing of like the year for me, it was so neat. It was so neat! And my doctor was even talking about how Inspired by her daughter she’s like Ummm, Becoming Like an endocrinologist or getting into hormone treatment, and I was like, that’s so fucking cool! What a fucking awesome Mom! What a good Mom! Anyway, and then my doctor, my primary care physician, my regular doctor was like, “I can-I can let you, I can refer you to the gender therapist that my daughter uses. His name is Scott, he’s really great.” And that’s where we are right now. We are on our way to Therapy I’ll let you know how it goes! *music* I know, that you’ve got doubt *music* And you’ve got fear, *music* You don’t let out *music* I know *music* You’re not as strong as you would lie to be *music* Don’t lie to me *music* You got it all figured out *music* You had me all to yourself *music* You got the world in your hands *music* You’ve got to make some new plans *music* You want your own piece of mind *music* Don’t ask for pieces of mine *music* I… *music* I won’t be staying here… I’m trying to vlog in the moment when it’s fresh, so here we go. It was so good, I really liked It Scott is I think it’ll be a good match. I only cried three times Which for me is Average. I was actually worried believe it or not I’ve only had a Woman therapist before, so having a guy Therapist and I did confirm that he’s a cis guy, I Even asked. I thought that maybe I would be more guarded or wouldn’t be able to like Cry in front of him because I typically get really emotional in therapy, even when I’m not talking about emotional things I just Get easily embarrassed, and then cry, but I cried Three times which sounds bad and It was, it was Emotional, it was embarrassing, but you know, in all the best ways, and It showed me that I Can cry in front of dudes. I don’t know why I just was, it was a new experience, and I was a little worried, but yeah He’s cool, he has long boards up on His, on the wall of his office, and he has a nose ring, he just, he says he’s worked with like a hundred trans people before, so that was cool. Yeah, it was good. It was… Good. Yeah. So I’ve Been going to therapy for four weeks now and I really dig it. The only drawback Is it’s Expensive. First I have to hit my deductible, then a little insurance Kicks in, but even then it’s not cheap. So if you are similar to me in the way that you are not Made of money But you still want to talk to a professional about some of your feels, then I want to tell you about Better Help. Better Help Is a program that has assisted over 600,000 People Pretty cool! and what it does is provide easy discreet online counseling from licensed Therapists. First you sign up and complete a questionnaire about yourself. What I thought was really rad about the questionnaire is it asked for your gender and It Included Non-binary as an option. *unintelligible noises* So cool! Then, you are matched with a therapist within 24 hours, Which is dope, because like you heard me in the beginning of this video, I was really afraid I’d have to wait eight months to Find the right therapist, so no scary wait period! And once you’ve matched with your counselor you guys can Communicate right on your device in whatever way feels comfortable. Live type chat, email, phone calls, video chat etc. And, you can do all this, you can start for as low as $35 a week, which is pretty manageable compared to Irl therapy. So yeah, if any of this sounds interesting to you, be sure to click the link in the description. And comment question of the day, if you If you had to describe your gender in Four words, and you have to use all four words, so you can’t just be like guy, girl, you have to use four words so you could say masculine, you could say Neutral you could say whatever, if you had, if you were required to describe your gender in four words No more and no less, What four words would you choose? This is like, I’m Kind of interested in this one! All right, well goodbye!


  1. Ash Hardell
    Ash Hardell September 12, 2017

    Wanna watch me to my first day of gender therapy?

  2. Adam Tomkins
    Adam Tomkins November 29, 2018

    My gender:
    Trans guy but feminine

  3. Skydreamer42
    Skydreamer42 November 29, 2018

    I am so thankful that you make these videos. I am a male androgynous cis boy. (answering your question) 25 as of 2018. Learning about the communities that you are a part of, learning that you can achieve validation in your life, is valuable to me. Your videos are affirming people, educating people, and remedying the ignorance in some. I hope very much that making this content is rewarding to you. I am pleased to have found your channel.

  4. Just-Some- Juicy-Rice
    Just-Some- Juicy-Rice December 10, 2018

    "I just get easily embarrassed,,,, and then cry." same tho, I also feel like I should be apologetic Bout everything then I cry then I get apologetic about being apologetic and cry more which makes me more apologetic. It's great fun.

  5. yeet123
    yeet123 December 12, 2018

    Noo not better help

  6. Raph 98
    Raph 98 December 14, 2018

    my gender : masculine, confusing, not cis

  7. Shadow Fox27
    Shadow Fox27 December 17, 2018

    My gender in four words:
    “Transgender female to male”

  8. Shadow Fox27
    Shadow Fox27 December 17, 2018


  9. Gilah Grove Sørensen
    Gilah Grove Sørensen December 19, 2018

    Confusing girl or enby

  10. SparklesSquishy
    SparklesSquishy December 22, 2018

    Guy, Girl, Both, Neither

  11. Qwerty O5
    Qwerty O5 December 23, 2018

    Help me, kinda masc

  12. Greymoon Vermilion
    Greymoon Vermilion December 27, 2018

    I say this a ton of a lot to people who think I'm trying to be a man. I'm actually an androgynous afab
    "But, I am NOT"

  13. Day Is From Space
    Day Is From Space January 9, 2019

    My 4 words: Not man but boy

    (I’m a cis guy but I feel uncomfortable being labeled/called a “man”)

  14. Oliver the Quiet
    Oliver the Quiet January 15, 2019

    "nonbinary button down baby"

  15. Teagan Salmon
    Teagan Salmon January 18, 2019

    4 words:
    trans? maybe non-binary? irdk.

  16. Owl 2004
    Owl 2004 January 19, 2019

    My gender:
    Masculine, Gender Nonconforming, Androgynous (is that 4 words? Dose gender nonconforming count as 1 word? I’ll add 1 more just for good measure) Pineapple! (Can you identify as a Pineapple? I don’t know, but I think it counts!😉)

  17. dj mackifre
    dj mackifre January 20, 2019

    I am (mostly) male

  18. Autumn Stag
    Autumn Stag January 25, 2019

    My gender:
    Confused Awkward Tall Dude

    I basically feel the same as u except I’m too young to do any surgery and to scared to tell my parents

  19. Fortnitefanlol 21
    Fortnitefanlol 21 January 25, 2019

    For the question I would answer, I am non-binary

  20. chickenleg1995
    chickenleg1995 January 26, 2019

    Are you thinking about getting bottom surgery? I have watched a girl that is transgender and going through her journey to bottom surgery getting a vagina. She already had the surgery in June 2018 but wanted to share her story. Message me back chickenleg1995

  21. Gravity Potter
    Gravity Potter January 29, 2019

    "Female but not completely"

  22. Lj Spike
    Lj Spike January 31, 2019

    half agender half not

  23. Katie Jo
    Katie Jo February 1, 2019

    Cis female slightly masculine

  24. Momoko Horiuchi
    Momoko Horiuchi February 2, 2019

    Femin, and gender fluid

  25. Robin Ismay
    Robin Ismay February 21, 2019

    My gender: I'm not sure yet

  26. Robin Ismay
    Robin Ismay February 21, 2019

    My gender: I'm not sure yet

  27. Angel.Rubiks
    Angel.Rubiks February 22, 2019

    Possibly male, minimum non-binary

  28. Sophie Ring
    Sophie Ring February 23, 2019

    Between male and female

  29. Peter
    Peter February 23, 2019

    Masc, kinda queer, ish

  30. ms riiko
    ms riiko February 23, 2019

    My roommate is about to start transitioning to he/him. Already changed names to him/he and I've known my roommate for 11 years. I embrace it and accept it and support it but it's so hard for me to switch she to he. I have been avoiding it by calling her by the nickname i gave her long time ago. Sempai. Cause that's a unisex name. I dont know how to fully switch. I guess when I see her go through this change officially I'll be able to do it? Not sure. Any advises ?

  31. Emily Dolphin
    Emily Dolphin March 2, 2019

    Gender? Not girl not boy

  32. Haley the Potato
    Haley the Potato March 2, 2019

    four words: i am not sure

  33. Damien Bellah
    Damien Bellah March 3, 2019

    My gender can confuse people bc I’m trans ftm but I like to wear dress and both women’s and men’s clothing
    So I would describe my gender in these 4 words “ male like women ish “

  34. Madi Bear 2018
    Madi Bear 2018 March 10, 2019

    Masculine, feminine, fluid, solid

  35. sydney gillum
    sydney gillum March 10, 2019

    my gender?

    (Is that a thing? I feel like that's the best way to describe demigender/demiboy)

  36. Rose Gold
    Rose Gold March 10, 2019

    How would I describe my gender in 4 words:

    Girl on explorative journey

  37. Goobi
    Goobi March 13, 2019

    my gender in 4 words would beee… as confusing as math

  38. Jennycat ZZB okii
    Jennycat ZZB okii March 16, 2019

    Masculine, strange, sadness, happenis… 😏 here you go 4 words I think

  39. Johanna Modig
    Johanna Modig March 16, 2019

    Shoved in the closet

  40. Huntz Kushe
    Huntz Kushe March 18, 2019

    I can't tell if this comment section is serious or trolling? 🤔
    Either way, I got a good laugh out of it.

  41. Tyler Hope
    Tyler Hope March 19, 2019

    Hey Ash!! Can I have help! I don’t know what the heck My gender is! My gender is confusion. So Should I go to a gender therapist for help finding myself or do you know any Other counseling/therapy to go to?

  42. Maeve The Chewerz
    Maeve The Chewerz March 22, 2019

    My gender in 4 words-
    Kinda feminine, non-binary

  43. Olivia Rugani
    Olivia Rugani March 27, 2019

    mostly female, somewhat androgynous (i think, idk. maybe.)

  44. Shayne_HasLanded
    Shayne_HasLanded March 28, 2019

    Happily Masculine Theatre Kid

  45. Ashen Wolf
    Ashen Wolf March 31, 2019

    Gender in four words?
    All pronouns

    I am a Neutral dressing female that uses all pronouns.
    As of now of course, still figuring me-self out.

  46. JennsJourneyP
    JennsJourneyP April 3, 2019

    my 4 words..
    Figuring it out -ish

  47. keith bunny
    keith bunny April 7, 2019

    My 4 words
    Male, a, little, feminine.
    I'm trans born female I use he him pronouns on rare occasions I were something feminine

  48. H Marlin
    H Marlin April 13, 2019

    Void with left floral.

  49. Imzadde
    Imzadde April 14, 2019

    Ungendered Absence Void Queer

  50. Sara Heyda
    Sara Heyda April 17, 2019

    Masculine feminine neutral non-binary

  51. Katsuki Bakugou
    Katsuki Bakugou April 19, 2019

    my gender in four words: 'I'M JUST A "TOMBOY"'

  52. Quinn Rose
    Quinn Rose April 23, 2019

    I'm not sure anymore

  53. Carrie Tucker
    Carrie Tucker April 23, 2019

    12 year old boy! Lol

  54. Margaret Ann
    Margaret Ann April 24, 2019

    My Gender: Cis Female, Sometimes Gender-Noncomforming (yes I combined the last two words to make it work….cuz I can lol)

  55. Rady Perry
    Rady Perry April 25, 2019

    I am not sure 🙂

  56. Jamie Renner
    Jamie Renner May 5, 2019

    Four words? I think I would identify as grey femme.

  57. Mariah Palmer
    Mariah Palmer May 11, 2019

    Androgyny pants needs hugs

  58. Snowball Hands
    Snowball Hands May 12, 2019

    Masculine but kinda questioning

  59. Heather Timms
    Heather Timms May 14, 2019

    N/b fluid demi girl

  60. K MacDonald
    K MacDonald May 19, 2019

    Complex superposition of eigengenders.

  61. Dani Spencer
    Dani Spencer May 19, 2019

    You are a perfect dino

  62. Devon Avery McAllister
    Devon Avery McAllister May 20, 2019

    Shifting between agender & bigender
    (I know that's five, so I used the and sign that way it'd count as a symbol instead of a word.)

  63. Idiot Fortnite Player
    Idiot Fortnite Player May 26, 2019

    I'm first God made you how God made you! Second why do you want to be a boy AT are you even exited ,sorry it's not my business

  64. Alyssa's Videos Are Boring So Go Away
    Alyssa's Videos Are Boring So Go Away May 26, 2019

    Halp my brain i dont know what to comment why am i typing this what is life what is anything ive ever known and loved does my crush like me halp ahhh;hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh;hhhhhh

  65. Kai Online
    Kai Online May 27, 2019

    Dysphoric trans guy help

  66. Thunder & lightning
    Thunder & lightning May 28, 2019

    My gender in 4 words?
    between Nonbinary and girl

  67. Sun Set
    Sun Set June 4, 2019

    My gender is androgynous cis female. I am open to all pronouns.

  68. the life of riley
    the life of riley June 8, 2019

    My gender:
    Slightly confused amorphous blob

  69. Bella Turner
    Bella Turner June 14, 2019

    A fluidly nonbinary mess

  70. Wolfy King100
    Wolfy King100 June 18, 2019

    If I could describe my gender in 4 words I’d be
    She/her Butch Masculine

  71. over00lord Unknown
    over00lord Unknown June 19, 2019

    10:25 I am a guy. 😛

  72. Kill Me
    Kill Me June 22, 2019

    My four words are: Gender fluid and dysphoric

  73. Kaegan Plowman
    Kaegan Plowman June 25, 2019

    four words for my gender
    . tom boy
    .sweatshirts (lover)

  74. cookie crumble
    cookie crumble June 28, 2019

    My gender in four words:
    I don't know yet ☹️

  75. sollochs
    sollochs July 5, 2019

    confused autigender agender queen

  76. Taken By Sleep
    Taken By Sleep July 8, 2019

    Hey ash! I know you’re busy probably being awesome, but I would like to know if I could get some help. Basically my family doesn’t except me for me, I’m trans ftm and don’t have support from anyone. There are things I’m worried about, concerned about, happy about. But I don’t have anyone to talk to about any of it. I’m 11 and don’t have many friends either and I’ve lost some because of me coming out. I’ve recieved so much hate since last month when I came out. It’s w as a really hard thing to do and part of me still regrets it. I’ve lost so much but I got happier and I just don’t know how to move on with every thing that happened. If help can be offered it would be much appreciated

  77. Impaxful
    Impaxful July 14, 2019

    My gender in four words: I just work here

  78. Jake Scar
    Jake Scar July 17, 2019

    Trans male, i think

  79. Fizzii
    Fizzii July 20, 2019

    Four words: What Is Going On

  80. Raistlin Kessel
    Raistlin Kessel July 21, 2019

    My gender in 4 words:
    Goofy Tom Boy Lady

  81. IrvTheCat
    IrvTheCat July 23, 2019

    My gender in four words:

    Masculine but also feminine??? Idk man,,

  82. Becca Love
    Becca Love July 24, 2019

    What is gender queer? Non binary?
    What is gender therapy? You didnt really cover what was discussed in the therapy session or anything.

  83. Kelsey 2
    Kelsey 2 August 1, 2019

    gender: hard to explain fluid

  84. Nina Yee
    Nina Yee August 3, 2019

    My gender in four words: Extremely masculine, Extremely female 😀

  85. Simone Pulver
    Simone Pulver August 3, 2019

    I am a person

  86. zombie here
    zombie here August 4, 2019


  87. Schathach Bachman
    Schathach Bachman August 6, 2019

    My gender: Dysphoric transmasculine genderqueer, {currently} transitioning
    Technically five but whatever…
    I was hoping this video would contain more information on how gender therapy was different since I'm interested in eventually having some kind of medical transition–still a cool video though!

  88. Queen Panda
    Queen Panda August 6, 2019

    Girl but not girly 🤷🏼‍♀️

  89. sparkeyy__
    sparkeyy__ August 7, 2019

    Identification, where are you Are my four words

  90. Haze Williams
    Haze Williams August 8, 2019

    absolutely neutral, no gender

  91. Sksksk heres the motherfucking tea
    Sksksk heres the motherfucking tea August 11, 2019

    My gender on 4 words: I am cis female
    Woop woop I still support the awesome transgender community
    Because they are great
    My sexuality in 4 words: Very Very Very Gay

  92. Kaeldra Caton
    Kaeldra Caton August 14, 2019

    my gender: not binary at all

  93. E Marcengill
    E Marcengill August 20, 2019

    My gender in 4 words: Masculine, Boy, Trans, loved.

  94. XDmincer TheRainbowFox
    XDmincer TheRainbowFox August 23, 2019

    Four words: perhaps is a boy???????

  95. Cas Loves
    Cas Loves August 24, 2019

    Non-binary, confusing, fluid, real

  96. Jasmine Armstrong Grillo
    Jasmine Armstrong Grillo August 24, 2019

    My gender in five words

    May be gender fluid or NB

  97. Meredith Beery
    Meredith Beery August 30, 2019

    Girl: extra glitter please 💖💖💖

  98. Silly Cyan
    Silly Cyan September 1, 2019

    My gender in 4 words: Masculine, non-binary, fluid, secret😔

  99. Kiara Arnold
    Kiara Arnold September 3, 2019

    Describing my gender in four words:
    I don’t know yet

  100. Tara Greenwood
    Tara Greenwood September 9, 2019

    a girl, I think

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